Everybody’s had an embarrassing moment or done something that, in retrospect, was not as well thought-out as it might have been. I know I have made my share of mistakes and very likely I will make some more in the future. I am always incredibly grateful that none of my blunders in judgment have landed me in a newspaper headline.
Take, for example, a woman in northern Texas. Police were called to a local Walmart because she had been driving an electric shopping cart around the store’s parking lot for several hours. I know, right? I was pretty impressed, too. I didn’t realize the batteries on one of those babies would last several hours.
Sadly, the law enforcement professionals were not called in to marvel at the bunny-worth battery of the grocery cart. No, the woman in question was also driving while drinking. In fact, she was drinking wine while she tooled around in the cart.
The best part? She was drinking the wine from an empty Pringles can. A little salt with her grapes, I presume. Oh, and it was 9 a.m., so she’d been engaging in this behavior since roughly 6 a.m. I’m betting she hadn’t been to bed the night before.
This anonymous woman was not alone in making headlines via her bizarre drinking experience. Last week, the Royal Caribbean cruise line had a passenger who filmed himself jumping off the boat for an Instagram video.
Those boats are pretty big and this gentleman leapt from the 11th deck of the world’s largest cruise ship – the Symphony of the Seas. That’s a really long drop. The young man (he is 27) admitted that he was “still drunk from the night before” and when he woke up, he just decided to jump.
The lady in Texas has been banned from the Walmart and the hungover jumper has been banned from the cruise line. Unfortunately, there’s a man in Pennsylvania who has not been banned from visiting the elderly.
Normally, I think visiting the elderly is a great thing to do. However, this guy takes his 4 1/2-foot alligator, Wally, to visit folks in assisted living.
He says that the alligator is an “emotional support animal.” Seriously? He also encourages residents and staff members not to be afraid of the alligator’s mouth full of teeth. This is counter-intuitive. We spend lifetimes teaching people to be afraid of things that can hurt them, let alone kill them. The alligator lives in a 300-gallon pond in his owner’s living room and supposedly enjoys watching TV and hiding in cupboards.
Yeah, that’s a good idea. Teach the alligator to hide.
I’ve made some major gaffes in my day, but I’ve never driven around a parking lot sipping liquor from a potato chip can (or any other cup, for that matter). I’ve also never jumped off a cruise ship, drunk or sober. And I absolutely have never petted an alligator, emotional support or otherwise.
It’s good to know there are some mistakes I will never make. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Sue is a retired public servant who volunteers at the Hospice store (For All Seasons) in Troy and teaches part-time at Urbana University. She keeps busy taking care of husband, house, and pets. She and her husband have an adult son who lives in Troy.